Red colour has always fascinated and appealed me. As far my reminiscences go, as a child I loved wearing red garments. I started riding on a red bicycle. My first bike was a red Kinetic Honda. The story is no different with my new red car. Red is my passion. Red is my weakness. Red is my strength. Red is my experiment. Red is my joy. Red is my vibrancy.

Red speaks volumes of hues of emotions. Red has its own language. Red does not have silence in it. Perhaps that’s what drew me more towards the colour red. Until, an evening when I received my MRI report. The MRI report had many RED marks. For the first time I developed quirk feelings for the colour I loved so much, since my childhood. Something in those red colours made me pale. There was a sharp contrast between the colour in the report I was holding which had much use of bright red marks and my pale face which was colourless.

I never wanted to have a long life. But who anticipates an unexpected “heavenly” early notice? At least I did not. I still do not believe. My Indian-American “handsome” surgeon thinks optimism pays in the long run. My illness has given me a new vision towards life. Everything that happens in life is meant to serve a purpose-good or bad. The purpose is destined.

Had I not come to California and fallen sick I wouldn’t have ever met Dr. Rehan Christopher. A charismatic guy. I have a long way to go with him on several dates! How can I give up hope of living so soon? I have to pick up many threads of conversations with him. After all he is the only one who deciphers my “MRI’s red REPORT” marks the best. I got to like him. I have had a weakness for red colour. Didn’t I tell?

When I was unaware about my span of life I indulged lavishly into procrastinations. Of late I want to make the best use of every micro-second of my life. Many a times, back at home I wanted to tell someone that he holds a special place in my life. I deluged it on time. Now time betrays me. Even he is going through a ruthless and uncompromising personal loss and I am seven seas across. I cannot be with him. I am shattered into shambles learning about his torment, forgetting that my breaths are counted. I did not know then, I love him. It dawned upon me suddenly. I don’t look forward to any reciprocation or recognition to my feeling. Life’s best things quite often happen at short notices at wrong timings. I thought a zillion times if I should open this Pandora’s Box and let my can of worms out!!! The final “yes” consent comes from the soul. After all what difference does it make? He will live the way he is living. I would have a peaceful living there in the other world. If I don’t tell him I will die with a burden.
I still firmly believe life is long. When, where, how and why, I know not now but I shall meet him again in this lifetime.

souMi mitra

It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth - and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.

The mind cannot long act the role of the heart.

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.

souMi mitra

Why does he do that to me?

Why does he betray me?

Why does he deceive me?

Why does he play the games of deceptions with me?

Why does he hurt me incessantly?

Why does not even he realise how it feels to be hurt?

Why cannot he be honest?

Why did he do this act of royal treachery to me?

Why does he play with me?

Why? Why? Why? Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?

I am flooded in tears with his act of treachery.......yet my heart loves and pines for him.

Indeed well he knows, I love him, then what was the utility of this royal treachery. 

Or am I destined to serve the orders of treacheries every time,  

follow the ordeals of betrayals every time....................................

He lives into oblivion..................He is yet non commital................

Is my destiny acting treacherous royally??????????????????????????????????????????????

Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they are supposed to help you discover who you are.

This has always been your regular practice. It has to be this time too.

“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again.” Because life is all about timing. The unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable becomes available, and the unattainable becomes attainable.

Have the patience, wait it out, it’s all about timing. You just have to do your own thing, no matter what anyone says. It’s your life.

Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them.

Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.

You haven’t lost your smile at all, its right under your nose! You just forgot it was there. Life can be like a roller coaster… and just when you think you’ve had enough, and you are ready to get off the ride and take the calm, easy merry-go round.

You change your mind, throw your hands in the air and ride the roller coaster all over again. That’s exhilaration…that’s living a bit on the edge... That’s being ALIVE.

Reminding you of all those lessons that you taught me when I found the going tough. I believe you will practice what you preach and make the going smooth even when the going gets tougher.

With all my belief and trust in you.

My heart cries for you.

It's all I hear day and night.

It haunts me crying,

Crying for you and your love.

These empty arms crying out,

Wanting, needing to embrace you,

To make physical contact,

To hold you close to my heart.

The need for you consuming me,

Over shadowing everything,

Reaching out for you,

Crying out for you.

Touching empty air.

Sinking down in despair.

Wanting, needing,

Reaching, crying.

Loving you so, needing you so,

Dying a little each day.

The need is so great.

The pain so strong.

The emptiness inside so great,

So dark, so lonely.

Just a big void,

Waiting for your love.

Needing the warmth

That your love surrounds me in,

Aching for the rays of your sunshine,

That your love brings into my life.

Needing, wanting,

Reaching, crying,

Always for you,

My love, my life.

Hi!
Is your cell fixed? Please get your cell fixed or get me any other alternative cell number where I can access you. As goes my report, let me put my version, which might sound quite foolish to you.
Please do not get me wrong. I do not undermine anyone's capacity. I am no one at all to do so. Do not ever think so. Had it been a normal report and I been staying there I would have come and met your brother personally, and you know that, but now things are different.
After coming here my life has changed a lot. I knew before shifting that I was posted for MRI, and I had mentioned the same to you before leaving the city at our last lunch (if  you remember).
Somewhere my intuitive mind had this feeling that something very serious ought to go wrong with my health, and before that I wanted to leave the city.
It all started since many years, but got serious since March. You remember when we went out for dinner, when my head was reeling, and you enquired if everything was ok. Next serious kind of attack happened again on 22nd June when thru out the day I was bed ridden and I went out on dinner (Minerva). I was given two shots of injection. I didn't want to tell you and spoil your mood.
It was getting difficult for me to conceal things.After all I have spent so much time with you, how can I quit so easily, but let me fight this battle, let me not involve any one else. I have been programmed to fight lost battles. I have won worn out wars, so do not worry I will not loose so easily.

Next time you repeat, you would stop communications just because I am not sending the Xerox reports, think twice, if you would be doing justice to me saying this…………….

I never intended telling it to you also, neither would I tell you  what happened to me, but trust me, I would not perish till I make a name for myself, at least not before giving a major complex to Karan Johar!!

Kabhi alvida nahi Kahenge!

souMi mitra

What are you thinking?souMi gone mad?

+ 2   -  4 %  6 @6  $ 4 /  8 =   <0  >  2

 (yahe na!!hi hi hi) Is the file corrupt? Did she forget to delete this line? Na na. Toh samjho mera simple funda.

To commence with I am too dumb in arithmetic. With grave difficulty I pulled up till middle school, and then passing school final examination with mathematics was no less than Herculean task. Since then humanities rescued the academic part of life.Similar was the case in life too. The way people judge a life good or bad, I never did. Zindagi ka plus aur minus mere samajh mei kabhi aya hi nahi. When people talk in terms of plus (s) in their lives I don't see any. When they talk of minus (s) of my life I see plus (s). Hisab hamesha ulta hi chla hai hamara. But I am at peace with myself.

My plus- worlds' best ma, supportive and loving bhai, sweet sis-in-law, very caring and concerned extended family, bunch of dependable, lovable cousins, and absolutely and unconditionally loving friends and understanding well-wishers. (No space for people who do not understand me).

My minus-as of date not achieved a name in the film industry as a script writer, which is my ultimate dream.

As people see-  lost dad at a tender age of 12, since then struggling hard , must surely be ditched in love, how sad young brother got married before her, she is so lonely, no companion-no husband-no children-no settlement-no family-leading a painful life, why doesn't she marry ?)

My point-  I do not tell people that I have a strong social back up. I did not or would not marry because it never occurred to me. I don't tell people I see relationships in different perspectives. I don't tell people love and marriage is not same thing. I don't tell them love does not necessarily have to end into marriage.I have my own calculations which do not go according to the "worldly calculations". I had never imagined in my life being anyone's wife or a mom, yet I have always been obsessed with children, especially infants. Kaha tha naa mere hisaab hamesha ulte hi chale hai!

Hi!

The word "telegraphic" has been reeling in my head, rather in my system since you have used it in the context of "red letter day". Telegraphic would have such an impact was never known to me. I admit I was seriously not being honest the other day. I did read Mc Luhan's  book. In fact I finished reading it back at home it self.

I have always cherished reading fictions and liked the idea of living in a make believe world, but I don't know what happens when it comes to writing. Somewhere the "Daniel Steel" in me takes a back seat and the "Bertrand Russell" in me comes to the fore!!.

I guess that has to be checked, before it ignites fire and finishes everything before anything begins. I know this sentence reminds you of the word "gullible" hahaha.

(But) I am so tempted to live in mysteries and appear enigmatic.

Anyways follows my confession-

~I do starve for getting appreciations from you because you are a master of simplification and an enemy of simplism.

~ You have a high  benchmark and when you appreciate my work, I know I am learning good work.

Else except California line everything in the write up was true. Hahahhaa Gullible …isn't it?

Queen of deceptions!!

It rejuvenated me once again. The lines on his T-shirt read “Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries.”  I was rest assured. I did not belong to either of these genres. To me life offers different synonyms every morning. I am a very “present-day-living” kind of person. There is too much of variety in my life.

Undoubtedly my husband too wonders if he married the same lady eighteen years back! So here starts my story. I was married at an early age of eighteen. I had to marry. I was left with no choice but marry. I was hopelessly in love with my husband. I could not bear the pangs of loneliness. I just could not stay without him in India. I married him. The marriage was alike a mission accomplishment! He taught me the essence of human relationships.

During our stay in England I lazed around frequently and he pampered me like a queen. A cardiologist surgeon by profession, my husband is equally good in culinary skills. His taste buds are sharper than mine. Needless to say his tastes are fine than mine. My husband is world’s greatest dad too to my two loving kids. The love, and patience he showers on my son and daughter, is incredible. He is always fond of them even when he returns tired from his hospital. He is always cheerful. I have never seen him complaining about anything in life. He is always there for his parents, siblings, friends, for every one, who needs him. His patients worship him like a God.

I actually grew up with him. He inspired me to have my identity as a screenplay writer. He gives me all the space I need, and yet is always there for me. I admire his indefatigable energy. He may run in a hectic schedule, but always makes it a point to be at the airport to fetch me when I come back at home from my tours. He never fails in making my first cup of morning black tea. He listens patiently to what all I have to say and loves me unconditionally with all my flaws.

Still all his care, concern, and love petrify me in my sleep. I start tossing over my bed. I am restless.I just get up and think in spite of having such a wonderful husband I wish better never to have met him in my dreams than to wake and reach for hands that were never there for me.

I walk up to the refrigerator, gulp down some water and question myself is this my new fictional character? I ask this nonexistent husband “Are you really there”? And burst out with laughter. Rightly said, the really happy man never laughs - seldom - though he may smile. He does not need to laugh, for laughter, like weeping, is a relief of mental tension. Katherine Hepburn once quoted, “Life can be wildly tragic at times, and I've had my share. But whatever happens to you, you have to keep a slightly comic attitude. In the final analysis, you have got not to forget to laugh.”

souMi mitra